Sticky Situations

A picnic blanket was arranged on the green, lush hillside. It was a gorgeous fall day, the wispering wind shifting the ever changing clouds into any form you could imagine. The meal had been fair enough; cold sandwiches always taste better outside, anyway. The sun warmed my skin and I shut my eyes as an attemp to savor the moment. Within moments I was completely relaxed–I could feel the comforting rays rocking me to sleep.

”I am going to have to write you a ticket, ma’am.”      

”EXCUSE ME?”                                                                              

”Yes, in the state of North Dakota, you are breaking the law#872, section 3.”         

”Litter control? Cause I don’t do that, sir.”                                       

”No ma’am, modesty control. I believe you were sleeping with your shoes on…”                                                                                                

I realize the ridiculousness of this story, but just imagine that you are having a perfectly lazy Sunday, playing Dominoes with Granny. If you were caught in the state of Alabama, that could add up to a violation of law. The laws that govern our nation were put into practice due to acts of uncivility, or because an act was seen to cause a dangerous result. But just stop to think about what insane (I hope) person caused judges to feel the necessity to add these to the record books: 

In Ohio, getting a fish drunk is illegal. That makes sense in some ways (poor fish can’t help it if he’s a lightweight), but in what Ohio based ocean was this one created: It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. 

In the land of oranges and old people, it is a law that you must feed the parking meter if your car OR elephant is tied to it. (Sorry, Dumbo, you don’t have immunity). As for the highly personal experience of sex, Florida also has something to say about that: only missionary position is legal. It is also the state most focused on “safe sex.” It is illegal to have personal relations with a porcupine.    

*Sources for weird laws is  


29 February 2008. Tags: . Social Commentary. 3 comments.